Not Another Mary Sue
by bekeyboo
Summary: The title is pretty self- explainatory. Oneshot, anti- Mary Sue, all that good stuff. Again, K plus because I'm afraid of the K rating.


**Came up with it pretty much randomly.**

Hermione slammed her books down beside Harry at the Great Hall. "There's another one. One last fanfiction. And, it's a self-insert."

Harry groaned while Ron perked up. "Gosh, not another one? That's at least twenty in the last month. Mary Sues are a bane on the normal world," Harry sighed.

As Rowling formally closed the series, fanfiction ravaged the poor Potter characters. Every fiction had at least a five-minute appearance as pasts, present, and future all roiled around them. Finally, the world settled into firm, canon plotlines. Then the bane of the Mary Sue attacked. They were perfect, with their American accents, idealistic beauty, dark pasts, and very little plot. The select few that did have plots were riddled with plotholes, where the world would go black for a few minutes as the Suethor came up with a flimsy explaination.

Sure enough, as Ron and Harry craned their necks to see the new girl, they did see a head noticably taller than the others. "I just hope it's not another rediculous Seer," Hermione said to a moaning Ron.

"Ugh, that was bloody horrid. All those **flashforwards with no marks**! There was giant plotholes everywhere too. Yikes." Ron said.

Harry gasped. "The OCness is coming, I feel it!"

"It's not as bad as it could be, though. It's just slightly weird instead of the days of **_____!Harry, _____!Hermione, and _____!Ron**, though," Hermione said. "This author is making an effort."

Ron smiled. "And our lives don't jaggedly break off for those bloody A/Ns all the time."

While they were bickering and bantering, the new girl got sorted into Gryffendor and sat down beside Harry. "'Sup?" the girl said.

The Golden Trio stared at her in horror- how long would she be here? "Um, very social," the girl barked sarcastically, in an American accent.

She had a plain black cap-sleeve shirt on, with M&M written on it with rhinestones. She wore plain jeans and sneakers with a peek of fluffy knee-high sock poking through. "Twenty galleons on a rebel with a broken soul randomly transferred from America- from some made-up school," Hermione said.

Ron smiled- bets were something he understood. "Twenty on 'I'm different and I don't care!'".

"Twenty on emo," Harry said.

"Gee, thanks for including me in that conversation. I feel the love," the Sue said, taking a nonchalant bite of a hamburger that appeared. Ron stuffed his plate with food and tucked in. Harry and Hermione were too shocked to eat.

"You're a Sue!" Harry said, albeit slightly terrified.

The girl furrowed her fair brown brows. "And you're a Bobo. Can we move on?"

Hermione leaned across the table, toward Harry, and whispered, "Sues always have a distinctive name. Ask for her name."

Harry nodded discreetly. "Hey, there. What's your name? I'm Harry."

"Well, Bobo, my name is Ellen. Ellen Reilly. Or, according to you, a soo," Ellen said, taking another bite of her hamburger and nearly choking on it. "Yeah, eat much, Ellie?" she muttered to herself.

Harry leaned over to Hermione. "Ellen. Too common."

"Well, that's not the only reason she's a Sue. Look at her!" Hermione whispered fiercely.

Indeed, this girl was very pretty. She had long, brown hair that took on hints of red at the ends, extremely obvious when her hair was in a bun, like it was then. Her eyes were slightly oblong, colored a warm, foresty green and framed with long black lashes. The rest of her face sported firm but delicate-looking, almost catlike facial features. Her skin was pretty pale, with dark freckles on her long limbs.

Ron emerged from his food. "She's also my long-lost sister or something- freckles and reddish hair."

"Gonna 'end up with me'," Harry added.

"Just admit you're a Sue!" Hermione screeched.

"What the heck is a soo? You keep saying that I'm a soo!" Ellen exploded.

Hermione jumped on this reason to show her impressive knowledge. "A Mary Sue is a flawless self-insert on fanfiction dot net- perfect clothes, perfect looks, smarter than me, braver than Harry, and funnier than Ron and George put together**." (Poor Fred!)**

Ellen looked at Hermione with wide eyes. "What was that? It got all dark!" she whimpered, removing her vincelike grip from Harry's arm.

"It was an author's note," Ron started.

Harry glared at him. "An author's note is when some dumb author puts something in bold in the middle of her story because it can't wait until the end of the chapter."

"Oh," Ellen said, "Back to what you said, Hermione, I have no idea about fanfiction and I basically suck eggs at History of Magic, Charms, and Transfiguration. I am afraid of the dark, insects, and basically my own shadow. My favorite form of humor is sarcasm or **inside jokes**. I'm not anything special. I admit, I am fairly pretty, but my idea of an outfit is knee-high socks with some unfitted t-shirt and shorts. Shoes optional."

They all stared.

"But there's a plothole!" Ron exclaimed. "If you aren't a Sue, then this is a badfic."

Harry smiled. "Yeah! Why do you have an American accent?"

Ellen rolled her eyes and sighed. "My dad has an international job. He got positioned here after a big raise and promotion. It's not like he could say no- poor and bored or rich and excited? I was pretty torn up about it, but then I got to go to Hogwarts and that kind of made up for it."

"Aha!" Hermione smiled, "There are no wizarding schools in America!"

"Well a, epic fail, **yes there are the heck wizarding schools in America!** What do you think **American wizards and witches **do if their kid doesn't want to be homeschooled? And b, I was homeschooled so that's why I pretty much suck at schoolwork," Ellen explained.

Ron frowned. "And we have, at least, okay grammar and spelling so this CAN'T be a badfic."

Hermione's eyes blazed. "If you suck at everything, Harry will tutor you and you will grow up and fall in love! You ARE a Mary Sue!" Hemione exclaimed triumphantly.

"Ick, this guy?" Ellen asked.

"Isn't that why you sat here- to get to know me and become part of the Golden Trio?" Harry asked.

Ellen laughed- not bells, but sort of wheezy and airy. "You guys have a good vantage pint of all of those **cute Hufflepuffs **over there." She shrugged and waved at the Hufflepuff table. "Yummy."

And so, the days of fanfiction ended with the lone normal self-insert, where the author **actually inserted themselves** and not some perfect chick with their name plastered on it.

**The stuff in bold is stuff that I added because I rock-**

**'Flashforwards with no marks'- Just don't. Or flashbacks. Italicize or something.**

**'_____!Harry, _____!Hermione, and _____!Ron'- OCs with a fancy title- Sue!Hermione, Dark!Harry, Funny!Ron. **

**'Inside jokes'- Two words for those who read my profile- Totally awesome! See 'Cute Hufflepuffs'.**

**'Yes, there are the heck wizarding schools in America!' and 'American wizards and witches'- Yes, there are witches and wizards in America and they have schools- the Salem Witches Institute and American witches at the World Cup in Book 4. **

**'Cute Huffelpuffs'- HUFFLEPUFFS ARE NOT SQUARES! **_**They are particularly good finders**_**. **

**'Actually inserted themselves'- All you little twelve-year-olds making blonde chicks who are perfect? Yeah. Sure, that's you.**

**I rant for too long. 3 you all!**

**~~bekeyboo**


End file.
